Random Thoughts!

Innocence, How do you get them back? Or does the world take pieces of it on a day to day basis?
What all does life have to offer you? Why is there so much joy in bringing a newborn baby into this cruel world? Are we a Jealous and Selfish people or do we just want that one person that will love you back and ask no questions or just have NO conditions?

This is what I thought about today.. Too much and too long! Filled with every memory that my mind can gather up from my childhood. I thought about when I was a cheerleader and my skirt did not fit and my mom tried to gather it around the waist and when I went to do a flip my skirt wrapped around my legs and all I could do was try to hold my flip until she made it out there to get me.

I thought about all the times I had fallen down, only to see my dad walking to wherever I was and holding on to me tight to let me know it is alright Nebaby, and tell me, but remember you fell with a lot of class, noone even noticed it, I thought it was dance. I smile he smile and everything felt so much better.

Today I just sit empty infront of my computer with a lot of questions a lot of Answers fill my head yet nothing I can really understand it is all garbled inside these walls I have started to put up again.. I want to fly but Then when I think about it I would rather sleep.. I want to sing and scream to the top of my lungs yet I sit mute.

The days of my life is something that is suppose to go on forever, you know the fun ones, and making new memories and sharing things with my besties and all.. but The days look grim and very far and in between, Sometimes things don't get better they get worse, but you listen to the people around you when they tell you that it will.. (your suppose to laugh right here, because you have said that to someone also) haha!

The problem is.. None of us know when we are going to swallow our last breath or see out last sunset.. But one thing that we should know is when it is all over said and done, when we closed our eyes for the last time to open them NO MORE! DID You at least help one person.. Did you feed the hungry did your clothe the naked or give drink to your brother or sister that was thirsty???

Remember these things.. even tho it is hard to think about death, you need to make sure you are living right, before G-d turns off the light!

My Treasures

For as long as I can remember I have always buried things..

When I first started, it was to hide things from my sister, Things she had that I wanted, but Did not receive. Now that I am older I have started hiding my treasures in my heart.

They come in all forms... Emails, Pictures. Some of my greatest treasures have been my friends and my family. I try to hide them deep down in my heart and when someone sends me a voicemail on my phone and I know that it is going to be along time before I get to hear from them again, or if I know I will NEVER hear from them again, I save them.

I listen to every word and savor the moment everytime, even if It is tears, believe it they are happy. One treasure that I will keep forever is the voice mail my daddy had left me one weekend I decided not to come home but stay in my new apartment for the weekend.. I played it today.

Daddy: Nebaby, everytime you go away this long, I smile and I cry at the same time because it is then I realize your growing up! does not mean I like it, but I want you to know I am proud of you. I love you darlin, Daddy.

I have even recorded it to a tape so that I can play it back whenever I can. I have a couple more messages from certain friends that I have saved also. You all are my treasures. I will never let you all go. Even tho we are far away and even it looks like I have moved on with work, friends or anything else. I want you all to know I think about you all everyday..For you all are MY treasures!!

Dont Talk Just Listen

Today was nothing short of horrid. I spend my looking for something that just does not want to be found. I spend my time obsessed over something that seems to run in a different direction that what I am in.

My life is not what I thought it would be, but at the same time I have accomplished a lot of things in this short period of time. When sad instances come, they seem to stay longer than we expect it too. They come in forms of deaths, breakups, and friendships. You have to learn to hold on to the good things.. The friends that stay and help you weather the storm..

I am a true believer that G-d sends some people in your life for a season, and when that season is up they are gone.. When that friendship or relationship ends, Try to see the silver lining and cherish the memories that you made with them.

This season that I am in is going to last a lifetime.... I am going to dance in the rain, go tubing down the hill drenched in snow... I am going to start going back on the roof and lay there and watch the cloud form magical scenes will passing by.

This time I am NOT going to talk I am just going to listen...

Header pic was taken while I was on vacation at Virgina Beach! I love this pic!!

Chocolate

Today was a day that kept on going, I was wondering if it was ever going to end.
Even tho I was locked away into a bricked building, I could hear the wind bouncing off the side of the building..

I could not help to think about the path that I am on..
Me, a girl spoiled, used to getting everything that I ever
wanted and finally being told I could not have something.

That sparks something inside of you that makes you want to just
climb in a hole and never come out. But, I have found a cure to my
problem and that is chocolate, it never tells me NO and Never lets me down..

More than that, I have found the answer to some of the thought provoking nights
I spend sitting on the edge of my couch wondering if I am going to get over things
very soon! But, until I find the answer, can you please pass me a snickers bar?